Women, the time has come! Too long have we worked side by side men in the workforce only to come home to mountains of dirty laundry and cavemen who cry if sandwiches are on the dinner menu again. Too long have we lost sleep folding towels just so and packing lunches just right while our children graffiti their bedroom walls and our men level up on their Xbox’s/PCs. Too long have we missed out on Saturdays and Sundays running errand after errand at the grocery store, the mall, and then Target, Walmart, Kmart and TJMaxx cause no one has what we’re looking for. The time has come to take back our freedom, ladies! And here are 5 sneaky places to start:
- Only vacuum when your S.O. is watching his/her favorite show/playing multi-player on whatever gaming station he/she has. NOTHING is more annoying to a man than feeling like he is missing out, so the louder you are the more he will want you to stop. Once you explain this is the only time you have to do this and that you would love to do it Saturday morning (you know… when he/she is sleeping in and you are out at the supermarket), he will gladly volunteer to take over just for some silence.
Or just give it to the baby and let that little effer earn his keep!
- Regularly burn/overcook EVERYTHING; anything from a frozen corn-dog to a pot of pasta must DIE. Sooner or later your significant other will get sick of eating ash and start pulling his/her own weight in the kitchen.
- Bleach shit. And I mean BLEACH it. Toss half a bottle Clorox in with the towels (not the expensive towels, the mismatch ones you scored in the clearance section at Target in 1992…. remember… the point is to acquire equal chore rights, not a divorce), or toss a red sock in with the whites and just see if your S.O. lets you anywhere near their laundry again!
- Never under any circumstances purchase clothing that requires ironing. If your S.O. sees your iron your clothes, they’ll forget all about their pink socks and expect you to iron their shit too. If you’ve already effed up and your partner has witnessed your mad ironing skills, start absentmindedly forgetting to remove the iron from the clothes in a timely fashion. Not only will this inspire them to iron their own shit (or at least foot the dry-cleaning bill), it will also help them to remember the charred remains of those corn-dogs you tossed in the oven last night, and chances are they’ll be taking you out for dinner tonight too 😉
- And finally… speaking of laundry, STOP folding shit and START putting it away in the most random places. Men don’t mind disorganization but they hate not knowing the general place something is kept, so don’t bother matching his socks or folding his underwear but DOOO switch out which dresser drawer they are kept in regularly. Sooner or later he will get so sick of guess where his tighty-whities are that he’ll take it upon himself to put his own shit away.
I’m not saying women are dumb, I’m just saying we’ve been making some really dumb choices. But it is not too late to save yourself!
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